What does 1 say 2 parents exactly????????? O.o

I have a dress that goes past my kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

I've been looking thru my records this morning, trying 2 find sth 2 listen to that fits. Like when ur walking thru a park and the suns all dappled thru the trees and u get the perfect song in ur head 4 it (4 the record, on amazing sunny summer afternoons I always wanna hear Happiness by Goldfrapp cuz its just the kinda song that makes u wanna kick off ur shoes and run around in the grass, its got a kind of bubbly up-beat rhythm 2 it that perfectly matches blue skies and warm breezes) NEWAY im getting away from the point, which is that 2day nothing is exactly fitting what I wanna hear cuz nothing is good enough. Like the closest I'm getting 2 it is Girl/Boy by Aphex Twin which is AMAZING but still only like 75% of how happy I am ♥

Jones and I did our first clublinks yesterday and IDK it went good I think? Like Jill said it was good and Dickie sent me a msg saying good job so probs okay. And then we stopped by the xmas party which was lol cos i think ppl thought i was seeing Jones so they got all weirded out when Mouse arrived as a surprise 4 me (!!!<3) and u could see them trying 2 work out what was going on. Like I cant have a boy as a friend without ppl thinking I'm banging them, wevs. So we hung around 4 a bit cuz free alcohol but then Mouse was supertired so went back 2 mine and Jones went home and we talked about manatees having boobs and MOUSE LOOK: http://www.savethewhales.org/manatee.html Manatees means "WITH BREASTS" and they were ttly mistaken for women but they dont rly have boobs IDEK where I heard that LOL.

In related news I dont feel bad about nething nemore cuz I ttly found out sth that absolves me of all guilt ever so there.

OK so we're breaking 4 xmas so after I do clublinks w/ jones 2nite i'm going 2 the xmas party. Which is FINE except I dont have a date cuz Mouse is WORKING and everyones gonna think i'm a desperado who has 2 go stag and then some loser who I laid once b4 is gonna think I went stag so I could lay him again and I'm gonna have 2 knee him in the nads UGH I HATE XMAS D-:

Except I dont cuz omg SNOW ♥ ♥ ♥ And pretty lights. I ♥ Xmas so much, no lie, like I walked under the stars on Oxford St last nite and its so magic. And now I'm just about 2 go with Catty and get our photos taken with the Harrods Santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have the shortest skirt on, hes gonna look like such a paedo lol.

In other news, Puppy and I made the boy in Yo Sushi touch Jez's pwabs yesterday LOLFOREVER. Like they werent ON him, Puppy made him cut some offffffffffffff for the express purpose of planting them in the sashimi I AM STILL WEEING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Best lunch date ever.

UGH WHY DO PPL HAVE 2 WORK ALL THE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE D-: D-: D-:

In other news: STOP BEING ASSBAGS. If 1 more thing happens that sux I am going 2 end a bitch.

PS: LOL @ the guy in the back, he is my fourth favourite guy ever.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Alrite I have 2 ask this but u cant say NETHING 2 NEONE cuz IDK if I'm being an idiot or whatever buttttt how do u say 2 someone that u rly like them and that u maybe wanna be with them properly???

If u rag me I will kill u all.

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww HANGOVER. Whose idea was it 2 have a champagne breakfast at 9.30 the day after a weddddding D-: D-: D-: If neone tries 2 make me eat garlic mushrooms there WILL be a stabbing.

Awesome nite tho rite? I cant believe how cute y'all looked in ur ties and things, u shd all wear them more often! Lots of love and happy 1st day to Puppy and his Mrs. ♥ ♥ ♥

AND NOW.. 2 the batcave! or the shower. Or back 2 bed JUST FOR TEN MOAR MINUTES.

LOL r u kidding?

Okay fave songs I can think of off the top of my head starting NOW

♥ Circlesquare - Dancers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VseWA1f6D1o
♥ Peaches & Iggy Pop - Kick It: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILjUe-znXE4
♥ Deadmau5 feat Rob Swire - Moar Ghosts & Stuff: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQxAJLBAIH4&feature=player_embedded
♥ The Knife - Heartbeats (Rex The Dog Remix): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO2SLrbIQRU
♥ Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk (Deadmau5 Edit): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-8dhZRfiTw
♥ Crookers - Thunderstruck (ACDC): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBpUbaqrOCM
♥ Divebomb The Whip (Crystal Castles Remix) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HldkOr33TDs
♥ Le Tigre - Punker Plus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqeQJk4YkZ0
♥ Babes in Toyland - Handsome & Gretel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbicXGo8efI
♥ Enter Electro Sandman Deadmau5 vs Metallica - Dunproofin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PyZQBpoUQc

But if u rly wanna know what my favourite song of all time is u gotta get out ur torture devices cuz I'll never tell, lolololololol <3

When I was a kid my only favourite song ever was this:

I have more than one, is that completely greedy or what? Like Catty is my longest serving bezzie cuz we met AGES ago while she was still doing MTV and my Dad brought me over 4 holidays and I was all O.O I WANNA BE A MTV PRESENTER JUST LIKE HER cuz she was so cool, lol. Then when I moved here I got a job at MTV and it SUCKED cuz there was this guy who was a ttl tool rite and used 2 make all the girl presenters wear the tiniest stuff which is alrite cuz I wear tiny stuff neway but u just knew he was fapping about it in the control room and UGH GROSS. So anyway in '04 I met Catty again at the Brit Awards and we bonded over hating him hardcore and then Catty wee'd on his tyres in the carpark LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL (i better f-lock this cuz she will stab me up if this gets out). NEWAY after u've watched someone pee on a tyre ur like friends for life rite? Shes amazing and u all wish u had one just like her.

My other bezzie is Stitch which is weird cuz ppl always go all O.O at us being bomas probs cuz I'm a ttl ditz and he's all sensible and whatever but hes the most honest person I've ever met besides Catty which is rare rite, and he doesnt ever want nething from me except 2 b friends, and even tho he wont ever come shopping with me for longer than 45 minutes and he doesnt let me beat him @ playstation he never says no 2 a piggyback and yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u all wish u had one just like him 2.

I LOVE U GUISE.

I bought some BRILLIANT stuff 2day. Pip is probs the perfect shopping partner cuz he can see the possibilities in stuff which looks rank on the rack and awesome on and he let me try on EVERYTHING and so I got a rly beautiful dress for Jonnys wedding and some shoes and these big sequin hot pink hotpants (no lie they are like CIRCUS pants theyre 2 cool for breathing) and a few tops and stuff but NO BIG HAT like where can u get a big one? I want either a big floppy 70s hat in pale pink or cream or like one of those OOC feather things that make u look like ur wearing a whole bird on ur head, WHERE CAN I MAKE THIS HAPPEN????????

BUSY. Like between catching up with the boys the boys the boys and work and all that I havent rly had much time 2 myself but its been all good so all good rite?????

Best news of the week is Cattys back and YAYYYYYYYYYYYNESS I am so happy 2 see her. We went 2 Sugar Hut on Friday nite and LOL what a crapper, like apart from the dire guestlist the dj is called Liam BONE and he sucked so bad that I wanted 2 hurl. So we just got stupidly drunk on Raspberry Vodka thingys and danced like spastics and they wanted 2 throw us out but they couldnt cuz it was CAT DEELEY so sucked in they had 2 watch us mock their club and get drunker and drunker til we were ready 2 go. Then Catty slept over at mine and we played DDR for like seven thousand hours until we got 2 tired and I gotta say doing SYTYCD hasnt helped her one bit, I still kicked her ass royally. Awesome nite <3

Then last nite Sam and I went 2 Koko 2 celebrate the opening of his caf (which looks pretty btw, like 100% better than b4) and lol it was cool, like no one really was there besides some geldofs but the music was pretty good and I like Sam when hes wankered, hes all enormous grins and cheeky quips, like ttl fun.

Now I'm going shopping with Pip 2 persuade him 2 make me a sequinned jumpsuit, wish me luck.

ps:
( LOL )

So how about how my HUSBAND is GAY.

LOL I ttly want this dog.



I was searching 4 pix to indicate SUPER MEGA HAPPY TIEMS and I found him and no kidding I want a dog so bad it hurts. Or like a teacup pig. Have u SEEN those little things?? No lie, I mite never eat bacon again.

NEWAY I am majorly happy 2 day and no one will make me frown, not even Ri who ate all my Muller Crunch Corner cuz after I stab her in the face that'll b ttly bearable. :-D

WELCOME BACK 2 LDN BBZ.

Oh god so I nearly asked mitch 2 kiss me on wednesday nite what is WRONG with me???? idk why i cant learn from experience?? its just like it was with jones rite, he just wants 2 be friends and I always mix up signals with boys who I think like me but who dont wanna b my boyfriend and usually i sleep w them and then it all fucks up and they dont call or i dont call and i dont wanna lose mitch cuz hes a ttly good friend. and 2 make matters worse mitch doesnt even WANT a gf let alone me and he doesnt call neone he sleeps with and I dont wanna b another one of those girls he never calls.

and ttly true 2 form boys who I couldnt give an eff about ttly pursue me, i had like seven messages from frank lampard 2day which is FINE cuz wevs hes alrite but hes so boring and i bet he sux at FIFA.

Oh god Ive been sooooooooo busy but its been ttly alrite cuz its been a mix of lol and omg wtf but mostly lol so all good!

Wednesday was Mitch's bday (HAPPY OFFICIAL LJ MITCHMAS WISHES, MOUSE) so cuz Spencerrr was working or whatevs I kidnapped him and let him take me 2 all his hangouts and LOL weirdest nite evar, srsly. He made me drink pints, no kidding I was spastic by like 9 and I made him carry me 2 the club which made all these girls jealous cuz they all wanna bone him and so they tried to pick a fight with me cuz they thought i was his gf or whatever??? Which was kinda lol alrite cuz no lie I get that a lot but these r grls called like Chelsea & Chantelle and their makeup is like warpaint and probs put on with a spatula and one of them SLAPPED ME and told me 2 GTFO and I was all O NO U DI'NT and she was all UH I TTLY DID and tried 2 do it AGAIN so then I dragon punched her 2 the guts (ty Sensei Saito) and took that ho down. Ttly lucky it was in a place w/ no paps cuz lololol i would have been in trouble bigtime if Dickie saw. Neway the rest of the nite was good except I think I kind of stopped Mitch from getting a bday pull cuz all the girls were scared I would hit them LOLOLOLOLFOREVER. Soz bb.

Yesterday was THANKSGIVING! I ttly forgot, do u think that means I'm like a proper londoner now? I got a bit D-: cuz apart from having a major hangover I had zero turkey and no lie I kind of missed my mom and got all sad and that and so Mitch made me like an impromptu thanksgiving lunch (lol turkey panini thingy) and we just hung out and idk didnt do much but it was ttly nice. Then I went 2 my date w/ Frank Lampard and no lie he didnt say any word more than 2 syllables all nite long unless it was Chelsea or BJ, what an ape lololololol. Hot abs tho.

In the best news evar my husband is coming home in like 5 days and my wife is home in 7 days which will make next week the best week in the world. I am so happy I could puke.

Neway howre u guys??????

Sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow day. Yea at least that slow rite? If it gets any slower I mite actually CRY cuz I want it 2 b 2morrow cuz I have bought Mitch the best bday present EVAR and he is going 2 jizz his PANTS and I want it 2 happen now, lol.

This is it:



PLUS



PLUS



= AWESOME

So yea rite its an iPOD cuz I didnt know if he had one + iPOD HOODY which is the REASON 4 the iPod (ngl I also bought one of these 4 myself, lol) + hip hop songmix with 100 songs from like the 80s and 90s and 00's (soz 4 the pic being slightly misleading cuz sadly its not THE actual method man D-: but lol theres loads of wu tang and even if u HATE hip hop (how COULD u?) it ttly rules) and it starts with In Da Club cuz he calls me Shorty and it goes "go, go, go, go, go, go, go shawty it's your birthday we gon' party like it's yo birthday" and it will be, lol.

Neway I think he'll like it.

In other stuff, I talked 2 Jones last nite about like relationships and whatever and he said 4 me 2 stop LOOKING (lol) and then it will fall in2 my lap, so rite I promised myself I would say yes 2 the next non-gross person who asked me on a date. To which end I am now going 2 dinner with FRANK LAMPARD lolforever. Like IDK what we're gonna talk about but he's taking me 2 Sketch 2 eat so wevs.

It was so loltastic, I had 2 cry, srsly. It basically went: gaydream, bedroom stalking, ust, ust, ust, homovamp, ust, ust, gaydreams, sadtiems, moar sadtiems, oh god when will these sadtiems end, LOLGHOST, omg hot indian, omg hot indian with no top on, oh my god theres lots of topless indians, PUPPIES!, ust, ust, the only good line in the whole film, plane ride, hot car, creepyvamps, ust, random jane austen, ust, moar ust, bedroom stalking, some lame tongueless kissing, the end.

The best part evar (except 4 jon yelling BITCH PLZ at the screen when there was a huge cocktease moment and then he got SHUSHED lol and so I SHUSHED THAT COW RITE BACK) was that there was this girl behind us who was having actual and genuine orgasms every time taylor lautner was onscreen. Like 4 real, hes kind of pretty but hes like FIVE, what a paedo! Also he has the worst nose I have ever seen and is like 7000% less attractive the second he cuts his hair off.

IMO the movie would have been much better if like Bella wasnt such a fucking mormon. Like 4 real if I was the lead in that movie I would have shagged them both and it would have been over in like 45 minutes and there would have been way less sadtiems and we could have all gotten 2 the bar much earlier and yeaaaaah.

In conclusion: BEST MOVIE EVAR MADE, TWO THUMBS UP.

LOL. I srsly cannot wait xxx

U know, its awesome that surgeons can like separate circus kids who're all messed up and stuff but OH GOD their parents clearly hate them cuz they called their twins KRISHNA and TRISHNA. U can have like half a heart and one leg and kids wont care but with names like that theyre in for like a lifetime of wedgies, no lie.

ALSO no kidding how much would u hate it if u were Trishna???? Krishna is at least like a cool blue ladyboy god dude but TRISHNA? WTAF is what I would be saying if I were Trishna. F U Trishna's Mom, F U very much.

NEWAY I had a rly nice date yesterday :oD They opened Canary Wharf skate rink and me & Richmond went skating and OH GOD I LOVE SKATING SO MUCH I NEARLY DIED. Like Richmond was so cute on the ice he looked like he was like a new born deer, his knees wouldnt stay straight lololololol cuteness <3 <3 <3 <3

LOL YES. When I was little I ttly bought into the fairytale princess thing, I didnt let my mom cut my hair in case someone needed 2 climb up it or sth, lol loser. Like I think fairytales have a lot 2 answer for cuz if u believe in them then u get hella disappointed by the fact that theres no such thing as happily ever after and more 2 the point, its rly hard 2 get 7 dwarves 2 follow u around even if ur rly nice 2 them.

So neway now I just kind of want someone that will take me dancing and not tell me what 2 do and rent out horror films with me and play the DUH game just 2 make me laugh and tell me i'm prettier than whoever gets the slot i want. Yea I have specific needs, so what!

Its been a ttly weird week, ngl. Like haha Jones got his wax and OMG his friend Chaz is the best like when she heard the riiiiiiiiip of the wax strip she let out this honest 2 god cackle of joy, I lolled. He sez it didnt hurt much but AS IF cuz I know what like a bikini line hurts like and no way in the WORLD does it not hurt like fuck 2 get ur crevice done. So anyway hes trying 2 gross me out by saying its like improved his sex life or whatever but lol I dont care as long as he had it, he can have all the tongue up his butt that he likes.

Then I did lots of stuff, but tbh its all boring so I'm not gunna tell u nething about it, lol. I AM gonna tell u that Leonie is a ttl hoar who sleeps w/ people on the second text lololololSLUT. Like I wouldnt say except she ttly tried to keep it a secret and LOL as if I wouldnt find out, Mitch & me are bomas.

2nite I played at Kooki which was awesomesauce and it was only a 1 hr set so now Mitch & me r back at my place and OH MY GOD did u know he looks ttly hot in his new trainers????????????? Like no kidding: TOTALLY HOT.

And NO he didnt just pay me 1 pound 2 say that LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I think I wanna go out again but i'm 2 drunnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Urgh makeup sux so hard. Like I have 2 do this stupid thing and they're painting me up like that Coop pinup Bride of Frankenstein thingy, wevs, but it means I have 2 b painted GREEN ALL OVER boo. They're doing my feet @ the moment and I swear the second I feel a tickle someones getting a knee in the gob.

UPSIDE: The dress is ttly sweet, its like minidress made of bandages, I'm gonna keep it. :oD

Neway BORED so going thru the cam on this phone @ lolololol found the pix that I took of mine & mitch's inaugural ff festivus. So like it ended up we could only get ff animals so we didnt do any pornos cuz thats SICK, just lols rite? (Can u tell I belong 2 PETA? those bitches are FIERCE) Neway they're behind the cut if u wanna seeeeeeeeeee.

( LOLLERCAUST )

And then this guy posted this on twitter and no lie Pip I thought of u, lolololol. Did u ever do that banana diet?????????????????????????????????



UGH THEY GOTTA DO MY ARMS SO GTG <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3